Fangirl Chase -AC crack fic-

It was a warm, sunny day in Florence, and Ezio Auditore was enjoying it to the fullest. Currently he was seated on the edge of a rooftop, soaking up the sunshine. His latest contract had been completed and he was allowed a few days of rest and relaxation. Or so he thought anyway.

It was the light rusting behind him that caught his attention. It could have been a bird, but Ezio knew better than to assume anything, especially if he couldn't see it. He remained still, facing out toward the city, but every ounce of his sense of hearing was tuned to the sounds behind him. A brief whisper, muddled noises. Ah, there was more than one. Ezio closed his eyes in an effort to channel more concentration to the sounds. Suddenly his eyes snapped open, the alarms in his head triggered by a telltale, almost indiscernible sound.

Merda, not again!

With that, he launched himself off of the edge of the current rooftop to another, his boots hitting the tiles with a loud thump.

"He's getting away!"

Ezio didn't even look over his shoulder as he ran, cursing whatever bad luck it was that condemned him to this. This was the third time in two days he had been chased, and by the same individuals each time. However, no matter how good his free-running and hiding skills, he just couldn't seem to lose them for more than eight to twelve hours. Now here he was, again, running for his life and wondering how on earth he was going to lose his pursuers this time; one of them seemed to know Florence very well.

"Damn! He's fast!" One voice spoke up between heavy breaths.

"He's an Assassin, what did you expect?" The other replied, breathing just as hard.

"Less talking, more running!"

For Ezio, the chase dragged on and on, over rooftops and through crowded streets, but just when he thought he had lost the two, one or both of them would pop out of nowhere and the pursuit would continue.

The Auditore swiped at the sweat that threatened to run into his eyes, chest heaving and legs aching. All at once it occurred to him that he could only hear one set of frantic footfalls behind him. Where was—

"Gotcha!"

Ezio barely had time to turn in the direction of the shout before a smaller body collided with his, knocking him off balance and they both tumbled from the roof into a large cart of hay. Ezio grunted at the impact, and then gave a defeated groan a few seconds later as he opened his eyes to a triumphant grin.

Game over.

The downed Assassin didn't even budge as the other climbed off of him and hopped out of the cart; he was tired and just wanted to rest for a bit, pushing back his hood in an effort to cool off.

"Ha! Nice tackle!"

Oh, the second culprit had arrived.

"Thank you, it was quite spectacular if I say so myself."

Ezio snorted. "You got lucky, that's all."

A brief series of giggles met his statement and Ezio brushed hay out of his eyes to get a good look at his pursuers. One, a young lady with long brown hair – who was responsible for recklessly knocking him off the roof – and the second, another young lady with shorter red hair.

"So," the redhead spoke up, "now that we finally have you, Messer Auditore, you are coming with me."

"I don't think so." The brunette interjected.

"Oh? And why not? I saw him first."

"I caught him."

"After you gave us away!" The redhead replied in exasperation. "Don't you know anything about stealth?"

"Well excuse me for being a girl." The older girl crossed her arms defiantly.

"There is no excuse for giggling when you're sneaking up on your target!"

"I still caught him."

Ezio sighed heavily as the two women squabbled back and forth in English. He could try to run again since they were distracted, but he was not willing to go through another round of chase-the-Assassin, and they were relentless. Not that he was in a bad situation; both women were quite attractive and currently fighting over his attentions. Ezio paused and reconsidered his options, a slow smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Hmm, not a bad situation at all.

Ezio hopped out of the hay cart, and broke up the argument.

"Ladies, ladies." He interjected smoothly. "There is plenty of me to go around."

The two women looked at each other, and then grinned like the enamored fangirls they were. A few seconds later Ezio had one girl on each arm, both being careful of his bracers. He led them out of the back street they were in, and the three fell into a casual, playful conversation that made the Assassin wonder why he had bothered running in the first place.